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Kids are pretty much just tiny drunk people looking for something to eat. So what better place to have them than a wedding, right?

While most would agree with that statement, it does beg the question of whether you should invite children to your own wedding. Whether you are just starting your wedding planning or are knee-deep in vendor shopping and centerpieces, this topic is 100% going to come up and likely be a point of contention at some point.

Whether this decision is a no-brainer or something you are going back and forth about, here are some things to consider:

Be clear with your guests as early as possible

Anyone with kids will appreciate the confirmation that their little ones are able to come, or a heads up that their kids will need alternate plans. Putting guests with children in a weird limbo of what to do with their kids can come across as inconsiderate and create awkward conversations later on.

The good news is there is an easy way to convey your decision discretely. Your first official contact with guests will come in the form of invites. Whether it be a footnote on the invite or little note on the RSVP, be sure to let guests with children know if their kids are invited as well. If there are any exceptions to your kids policy (ring bearer, flower girl, close family/friends etc.), be sure to give them a call and let them know.

Putting the little ones to work

If you do decide to have children at your wedding, give them a title and job. Doing so keeps them engaged and on their best behavior. The obvious titles comes in the form of ring bearer(s) and flower girl(s) but there are other great “jobs” for the little ones. Children make great ushers and can help seat guests at your ceremony. Same with ensuring programs get into your guests hands and making sure everyone has bubbles for your formal exit. At your reception, they can man the guest book or pass out favors. Just be sure to keep their tasks simple and leave room for error.

Food & Activities

After their work is done, make sure they have kid-friendly food and things to do at your wedding. Food options like chicken strips, french fries, and other not messy finger foods work great. Also, don’t forget to have staff keep high chairs on hand.

Another good thing to include, if space allows, is an arts and crafts table. Keeping some child friendly activities like coloring books at a separate table where all the little ones can congregate gives parents the chance to enjoy the night while knowing where their kids are. Once they get restless, a treasure hunt or Easter egg hunt is a great idea to keep them entertained while your party goes late into the evening.

Every parent needs a night off

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After watching every episode of Sesame Street and perfecting the quickest diaper change techniques, everyone needs a break. Having a “No Kids” wedding can become that break and give your friends some time to relax and let go for a night.

Childcare

It’s never the bride & groom’s responsibility to arrange child care for their guests, but if you know there will be many kids in attendance, organizing a baby sitter or caretaker for later in the evening is a great idea. Doing so gives your guests with kids the ability to spend time with their little ones during dinner and early parts of the evening and then let go as the night progresses.

Ask venue staff if they have a separate room where a friend, grandparent, or sitter can watch the little ones while they watch a movie, play with toys, or get some sleep while the parents party the night away. This works best for destination weddings or weddings where extensive travel is needed for those with little ones.

Strength in Numbers

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Giving children daunting tasks like walking down the aisle alone or reading a scripture during your ceremony can be scary. Give little ones the option to walk with a sibling or read as a group to ensure their big moment in the spotlight isn’t overshadowed by cold feet.

Safety First

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When making your decision on whether to invite kids or not, be sure to take safety into account. Some venues just simply aren’t kid friendly.

Additionally, it is very easy to overlook and knock over a little one during a dark reception. Kids tend to end up randomly scattered on the floor and in places you wouldn’t normally think to look.

Rapid Fire Questions for “No Kid” Weddings

• Am I selfish for not wanting kids at my wedding? Not at all. If you are nice enough to buy 200 chicken marsalas and keep everyone’s cup full for the night, you should be able to invite anyone you want.

• How can I avoid offending parents? If you think any of your family/friends will take personal offense to not inviting their kids, simply give them a call and explain how you feel about the situation. Although family politics can come into play, most people appreciate the thought and will be understanding.

• Can I invite some kids and not others? Sure can. There will likely be some backlash from other parents who wanted to bring their kids, but people are generally understanding. Worst case scenario, pass the blame to the the guest count being too high, the flower girl being an exception, or a grandparent needing a photo with their grandkids all dressed up.

• What if someone shows up with their children after us telling them no kids? Kick them out and never be friends with them again!! Just kidding. If they got an invite to your wedding, they are close enough to you to get the benefit of the doubt. If you were clear that it was an adult only wedding, your guests will likely do all the talking with their glances and whispering. If something blatantly becomes an issue, you have every right to bring it up, but keep in mind if that’s the biggest hurdle you had to jump over on wedding day, it was a success.

Rapid Fire Questions for Kid Friendly Weddings

• What should kids wear to the wedding? Depends on the event and their role in the wedding. If they are a flower girl or ring bearer, be sure to let the parent know if you have a specific look or outfit in mind. If a child is a guest, their attire is less significant in the larger picture, but be sure to let parents know they are still expected to dress them within the dress code for the event. It’s 100% okay to bring a comfy change of clothes for the reception.

• Are kids meals the same price as adults? Caterers usually charge per person for the event. Most offer kids menu items for specific age ranges at a discounted rate. Be sure to ask what your caterer’s policy on kids menu items are to clarify.

• How do I make sure there are no meltdowns for kids walking down the aisle? Your best bet will be to practice with them and if that doest work, bribe them with toys and candy. Keep in mind part of the charm kids possess comes in the form of their unpredictability and spontaneity. If your ring bearer freezes up at the head of the aisle or your flower girl decides midway down that she doesn’t want to do it anymore, role with the punches. Guests will likely enjoy the unexpected action and find it endearing.

• What if someone shows up with their children after us telling them no kids? Should my ring bearer actually hold my rings? Depending on their age, it may be a good idea to have the ring bearer be more of a symbolic gesture as opposed to giving them the expensive stuff. Give them a sign with a funny phrase or a pillow with fake rings to carry. If you prefer them to have the rings for their walk down the aisle, be sure to pass them to them at the last minute and keep an eye on them. Unfortunately, accidents happen, and tiny hands don’t help.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, this decision will determine if an entire generation hates you for shunning them on your wedding day, or if they embrace you in your old age and make sure you are taken care of. Joking aside, understand this decision isn’t something you should stress over, nor is it as big a deal as it may seem. Among the many decisions you will need to make surrounding wedding day, don’t let this be something you get hung up on.

If you envision wedding day as an opportunity to get everyone together and celebrate family, friends, and guests of all ages, don’t hesitate to invite all the little ones. If you would prefer to have a more elegant adult-themed event, that is 100% okay as well. Always keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to celebrate wedding day and those choices are yours regardless of anyone else’s oppinion.